It's a tradition this time of year. Journalists go around asking local celebrities what they want for Christmas, then dutifully report on the findings.

First off, there aren't any real celebrities in Edmonton anyway (unless you count someone whose greatest contribution to society is making millions of dollars slapping frozen rubber into a hockey net). OK, actually, I'm jealous.

Besides, monosyllabic athletes, slick TV personalities and over-scripted politicians never tell the truth about what they want or need for Christmas anyway.

Instead of asking for things we all truly covet (say, a jet-black Porsche Carrera or a hot date with Paris Hilton) they inevitably come off sounding like Miss Universe candidates.

It sounds noble to say that you don't want gifts but you'd sooner desire world peace, an end to famine or a cure for cancer. But that's not reality.

* For Coun. Mike Nickel: A dime for every time he's the sole councillor railing away at city hall's out-of-control spending. If he got that wish, he'd no longer have to count his nickels and dimes - he'd be rich.

* For Coun. Dave Thiele: He needs thousands of Edmontonians to believe an annual 10% tax hike is actually good for them. Then maybe Diamond Dave might even have enough support to run for mayor.

* For former mayor Bill Smith: A new favourite saying other than, "Edmonton is the best city in the best province, in the best country in the world." (Strangely I've kinda missed hearing that now and again).

* For Citytv anchors Paul Mennier and Jennifer Martin: A whole whack of viewers from other stations who decide to switch to a newscast that offers far better local coverage.

* For Ryan Smyth: A break from being accused of having a mullet. A mullet cut is long in the back and super short on the sides. Smyth's just got long hair and it suits him fine.

* For Vancouver Canuck Todd Bertuzzi: Some anger management sessions and a flak jacket to protect him against people who are upset he was named to Team Canada 2006.

* For federal Conservative Leader Stephen Harper: Sun colleague Mike Jenkinson suggests Harper could use a cloning company to grow one million new Conservative voters in Eastern Canada before Jan. 23.

* For Deputy Prime Minister Anne McLellan: More campaign workers who are actually Liberals. For now, I'm sure she'll settle for her usual collection of NDP and Tory workers.

* For Scientologist actor Tom Cruise: Some downers so he won't go stark raving mad on TV again criticizing antidepressant drug use by other stars such as Brooke Shields.

* For mealy mouthed MSNBC broadcaster Tucker Carlson: A brain, so he doesn't again call Canadians or anyone else "retarded" cousins. For this Christmas, Tucker the twit, could also use sensitivity training. Anyway, it's retarded that anyone even uses the word retarded these days.

* For Canadian sex siren Pamela Anderson: A stable, semi-sane boyfriend who's not a greasy rock star - or better yet, no boyfriend at all. In that case, call me, Pammy!

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